The High Speed Rail "outreach" team wants citizens to offer positive suggestions and to help the Rail Authority. I'm not sure why they think anyone who actually understands the destructive goal of High Speed Rail will help. But in the spirit of cooperation, I've volunteered to save the Authority thousands of dollars by doing some PR writing. They have a huge $9 million PR budget so this little ditty would have cost them at least $250K.
On Board Announcement #1
Attention Passengers. Our next stop is Redwood City Station. This train is traveling at 110 MPH so please remain seated until the train comes to a complete stop at Redwood City Station. Once the train stops immediately grab your suitcase, kids, lunch and backpack and rush for the doors because this train only stops for 90 seconds. Yes, 90 seconds, so get ready to move and I mean MOVE. You are authorized to use whatever means are needed to squeeze past embarking passengers. Please note that High Speed Rail personnel will collect any belongings left behind and store them in the lost and found at the next station. We hope you don’t have anything fragile in your lost items because we have to throw them out the window for collection by station staff since we only have 90 seconds in the station.
Why you may ask do we only stop for 90 seconds? Well the ballot proposition that authorized high speed rail in California requires that we travel between San Francisco and Los Angeles in no more than 2:40. If we’re lucky there will be no delays and we will be exactly on time giving you a full 90 seconds to gather your belongings and depart the train. On the other hand, if we are delayed we may have to reduce the time spent in stations. In that event we have signed a contract with the "Survivor" edition of America’s Funniest Home Videos to cover what we called “expedited disembarkation's.” Cameras will tape your departure and we expect that the revenue from these video rights and re-runs will cover most incremental costs including but not limited to non-reimbursed medical expenses, loss of wages, loss of belongings, etc. We do hope you purchased the optional High Speed Rail Passenger Insurance policy which reimburses you for all losses connected with expedited disembarkation's.
Have a great day and thanks for riding with California High Speed Rail.
